| last few weeks |
[05 Jan 2005|06:22am] |
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Tracy Lawrence - Paint Me a Birmingham |
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well starting with christmas eve..
i cut my dreads and they look awesome now..im lookin forward to the next few months.. im thinkin about gettin a house with my roommate.. christmas was good i spent it with my family as usual got everyone wat i wanted to get them and they all were excited about..i like gettin em shit they will like
new years was good, i spent it at big marcs dads with him michael tony and their family.. i had a good time for the first time in a very long time.. usually i spend it sleepin in my room.
things at work arent goin well.im thinkin bout transfering back to my old store, because my manager from there wants me back.. and my manager here might be transfering also.
im feeling more and more "grown up"
i work so much, that when i come home i just want 2 relax before bed. i like comin home to a nice clean apartment and a quiet apartment.. i try not to say anything to the others if i dont have to. i dont want to bother them and i dont want them to bother me. i have always been bitching about shit.. always worrying about what people were sayin about me..i realized the last couple of days that it doesnt matter. im in a state of "peace" at the moment.. whether i miss certain people, or hate certain people. they dont matter.. who matters is the people that are in my life now.. i cant dwell on things that dont exist, friendships that are in the past, and people that are gone. im satisfied with what i have, even if im not happy. and i realized that there is someone that i can talk to anytime..anyday..that i have always had..that would drop everything to talk to me..just for a minute (unless her show is on,(even if shes watched this fuckin show 10000000 times) )
but to her i thank you.. cause even though ive never said it, i do appreciate everything you do, and have done for me.
mike
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[28 Dec 2004|04:44am] |
apparently i have some peeping toms
well hi tom. get the fuck out.
most entrie will be private from now on =(
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| another crosspost |
[27 Dec 2004|03:40am] |
just wanted to say christmas was better than i thought it would be.. it really makes me feel good to kno that there are some people that wholesomely care. it is really nice to see good hearted people...people that show that smile that you cant fake.. i love that.
merry christmas and be safe on new years
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[26 Dec 2004|02:42am] |
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Two traveling angels stopped to spend thenight in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die. "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.
"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it." "Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later...
Some people
come into our lives
and quickly go..
Some people
become friends
and stay awhile..
leaving beautiful
footprints on our
hearts...
and we are
never
quite the same
because we have
made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
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[11 Dec 2004|01:38am] |
"She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy......So to speak"
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[27 Nov 2004|03:00am] |
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I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
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[23 Nov 2004|03:55am] |
ya kno.. lately i been thinkin bout how i am as a person.. im a decent guy. i try to keep people in mind that i actually give a damn bout..
but is that who people want in their lives?
all my life i grew up seeing that the girls liked the fuckin dickheads.. that all the guys wanted to be friends with the kids that were out there on the back of their trucks screamin an shit. but for some reason i never could turn into one of them.. i couldnt treat a girl like complete shit in order to show my friends that i really am the biggest fuckhead in the state. i couldnt throw a trash can in front of moving cars while i was drunk at the age of 15. i wasnt ever that kinda guy.. i was always the one that althought held my own... wasnt in it for the confrontation and fight. i just wanted to get by.. was that the problem? i didnt try hard 'nough? i was just a middle of the road kinda guy. its funny that the people i dont talk to now, mosta them say how nice i was.. i was a great guy that no one can replace... but..for some reason..they the same people that completely fucked me over at the time when i really wasnt disposable. when i really did genuinely care bout somebody.. now i just kinda feel numb to all the shit thats goin on.. i expect to make a new friend on monday and lose em on wednesday.i expect everyone at work to not wanna associate with me.. an i expect all my roommates to hate me. cause for some reason, no matter what i do or how hard i try.. im not the one that people want to hold near them ... im the one that they use when the NEED me. i unno what to do to change it anymore...
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[04 Nov 2004|02:44am] |
lesser of two evils is a FUCKIN BULLSHIT STATEMENT. i didnt vote for two reasons. 1) I didnt register (thought i was but ended up i wasnt) and 2) because i will not vote for someone on the basis i DONT want someone else in power.
The fact is neither candidates had anything to offer. They both are fuckin morons who cant really do anything for the country in my opinion.
I think its ridiculous that on the basis of religion that people will vote for a candidate who has brought the total CIVILIAN casualies up to 100,000. Now as my roommate said... back a few years ago there was this fad. Bracelets that said "WWJD" what would jesus do.. ok all you bible readers, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? would he attack a nation first when it was confirmed that 15 of the 19 hijackers were SAUDIS, the other were afghanis. NONE were Iraqi. Would jesus kill civilians without trying anything else first? would jesus say that all the shit that has happened the last four years is worth this countries "freedom"?
RIDICULOUS.
you all know the answer. If iraq would have pre-emptively struck the U.S. then i suppose it is necassary. but even then JESUS wouldnt do it..
so since JESUS is the center of all this bullshit that bush says "GOD BLESS AMERICA" why hasnt anyone thought...what he would have actually done?
MOST of the christians didnt look at the facts. they looked at their morals and compared them to the candidates "is bush more of a moral man like myself? does he believe abortion is wrong? does he disaprove of gay marriage?" VOTE BUSH!...
THOU SHALL NOT KILL*
*unless its 100,000 civilians and over 1000 american soldiers.
im not a kerry supporter. but i think after more terrorists attacks on the US (im not hoping, its almost inevitable) i think some people will see what this leader has really done the last 4 years.
i was gonna keep goin but i have work at 9 am
you wanted 2 talk politics there ya go
P.S. its sad when the bigger issue is 2 men or woman kissing then 100s of thousands of people dying across the world.
United We Stand.
I Pledge Allegience to the flag of the united states of america, and to the republic for which it stands...ONE NATION under god indivisible with liberty and JUSTICE FOR ALL.
ONE LOVE~
Mike
_________________
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[04 Nov 2004|01:56am] |
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Rehab - Jamie |
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i can always remember an old friends brother when i asked him about the way he said "it just doesnt make sense, why cant they just work it out without a war?"
ignorance is something people take advantage of, because they feel it is a negative quality... maybe sometimes we should look at it from a 14 year olds perspective.
which brings me to the next topic... depressed.
i miss the past a lot tonight. im listenin to "It Dont Matter" and "Jamie" by Rehab. and im listening to them on my computer. its MUCH more depressin listenin to those two songs on the computer because that brings me back to a time where i was happy, but then sad. But with all the sadness there was hope for a new beginning for me. I feel like starting over(which im doin now) is neglecting somethin that i havent done yet that i should have in the past. I really feel i need to do it, because without it, i feel like i will dwell on it for a long long time. But doing it can instill MUCH more pain then ever before, becuase it would be pullin some real bad skeletons out of the closet (if that goes) i wish i could have somethin to tell me what exactly i should do. i get some advice from some people, but honestly whatever they say, i go back to this ONE THING i need to do. and ultimately its MY decision because i have to live with the outcome. and i just have this gut feelin that imma regret it if i dont. who knows.. maybe ill get the sign TO do it, and maybe bush will win presidency and ill be in a hole for 4 ye......wait... shit!
"even when the sun is out still bad weather."
night
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[03 Nov 2004|03:39am] |
it really amazes me of all the uninformed peopel who vote. "i voted for so n so because he is cuban" ....so if he raped children..FUCK IT hes cuban!
godamn people
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[27 Oct 2004|01:25am] |
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music |
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KC & JoJo - All My Life |
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its been a decent week. i been weighing my feelings, and i cant seem to come to grips with what is on my mind. I think its a good thing that im feeling it though, because its one of those things where you just have to realize. I used to pray everynight that something would change. I have the winter to look forward to. I really hope i have people to help me get through this with. Im feeling a little more alone lately. cant really explain it.
new update later.
pz
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[19 Oct 2004|01:26am] |
77777777777: why weren't u there tonite ?
uNsAnE pArAsItE: man i just dont get it.. please dont contact me
uNsAnE pArAsItE: please take me off your list
77777777777: done
77777777777: now that Ive done that ... forget my existance .. not that u haven't done that but seriously forget me and everything that happened
uNsAnE pArAsItE: i am trying
uNsAnE pArAsItE: goodnight
77777777777: peace the fuck out
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| that was then, and we have taken different roads |
[10 Oct 2004|04:37am] |
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Little Texas - What Might Have Been |
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its nice to make someone smie.
bad day good day whatever, if they laugh or watever cause of wat i say or do.. it makes me feel good to kno that i have some influence on someones life. i miss bein loved like a boyfriend. its been a lil while since i had that. it just seemed like everytime i had that, it went from real "love" (by that i mean, really feelin good about bein with me) to just bein there. no doubt i like bein settled with someone. but like i tol melissa, its like the little things in a relationship is what really matters, like bringin a rose to her house, sendin her a postcard in the mail from ur home address just sayin i love you. i miss stuff like that a lot. i really miss ...missin someone... if that makes sense.. missin someone when they are right next 2 you. holdin them as tight as possible just to make both of you feel even more like one.
i just realized that its time to understand myself a little more. the reason i do the things i do. i kno why ive done some of the things ive done, but i want to understnad the reasoning behind the things i cling on to, when i know that they are so bad for me. its time for me 2 let go to the things that have hurt me in the past.. i really just need to let go.
great im done.
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[06 Oct 2004|12:44pm] |
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Some people are just fuckin stupid. im not even gonna bother, just to let you know tho. he never liked you and you are bitter.
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[05 Oct 2004|02:45am] |
well i dreaded my hair last wednesday (September 22 2004)
They look really good, so thanks marc for doin em for me... took us a total of 4 1/2 hours to get everything done (sectioning, going to lindseys to have her section my hair a lil more, and then dread)
im excited bout seein how they look in about 3-4 months, cuase i think they will be pretty long by then and they will be locked nice. ill keep everyone updated on how they do.
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[20 Sep 2004|03:13am] |
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Alan Jackson - Drive |
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When was the last time you....
1)laughed?
Yesterday while we was unloading our truck at B.L. good times
2)cried?
....=X
3)smiled?
today mostly fake smiles to dumb customers
4)got angry?
yesterday when the dumb bitch wouldnt leave me the fuck alone at work
5)lost something important to you?
i think i lost my psychopathic chain.. its more of a sentimental value piece now..but i always wore it
6)missed someone?
...everyday
7)tried something new?
i had some new liquor marc lemme have...kinda gross
8)did something just to go with the crowd?
well..i did the truck cause they was all there ha... i was real bored
9)went out of your way for someone else?
i went home tonight (40 minutes) pretty much just to see karas family..see if they were ok (i miss hangin out with them)
10)made someone laugh?
tonight at karas i made her dad laugh which felt good cause he hasnt been feelin all that well
11)made someone cry?
/h/e/r/
12)pissed someone off?
that bitch at big lots fuckin whore
13)let someone know you cared?
michele. i just talked 2 her yesterday an let her kno i missed her
and kara too i told her i missed her as well
14)did something bad?
....
15)get in touch with an old friend?
yea...
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[17 Sep 2004|04:38am] |
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Alan Jackson - Remember When |
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If you wanna be REALLY DEPRESSED. Listen to a song called "Remember When" by Alan Jackson
This song just reminds me of the days when I used to look forward to something. Maybe someone. I can smile lookin back on some of the things I remember. Sittin with my girl in her backyard watchin the stars and just talkin. Playin with the dogs at the park.
I remember one time, we were fighting (surprise lol) and we were walking on the beach with the dogs. We stopped to look at something..and that feelings came over us both.. and we just kissed for so long. It felt right.
I know now that it wasnt right, but at the time..thats all that mattered..me and her. being together...seein eachother grow and learn. I dont really miss her in that aspect. but i miss the way it felt to be so young and in love. We both felt that way. Where did it go? I want someone to wear my sweatshirt.
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[10 Sep 2004|05:33am] |
ive learned a lot the past few days..
i played football tonight with some friends..
melissa n i went to get a drink cause her knee was actin up a lil bit..so i went with her.. when we came back no one was on the field...i called wags cell from mine, and ryan answered with this "chris (wags) had an allergic reaction and cant breath come over now." and hangs up. so me n melissa rush to his apartment and find him in the shower with lani and he can barely talk. the police come ambulance all that.. and next thing i know hes headed to the e.r. me and ryan and melissa jump in ryans car and get to the hospital asap. and we wait for alil bit all taking turns going to see him.. (only 2 people were allowed in the room at once.) Turns out he got bit by 50 or more fire ants while we were playin football and is allergic to them. hes ok now.. finally on his way home after a few hours of worryin. now next is the lesson learned.
you dont really realize who ur friends are..who really cares about you or who you really care about until somethin terrible happens.. you dont ever say the "right" things until its too late.. i am a pessimist..i aint gonna lie bout that...whoever knows me..knows that. but i cant deny that my real friends would do pretty much anything for me..like i would do for them.. im not saying i have 100s of friends.. 3,4,5 friends is all you need.. those people that used to be there..that said "ill love u always" and "ill always be there for you"... it really shouldnt have too much weight towards the future and wat we have now..with others..because if those people are gone.. theres a reason for it.. whether its there fault or someone elses..i kno this feelin wont necassarily last for ever (or past tonight) but i at least wrote wat it is i been feelin down.. at least i know exactly what i should think bout if i ever say bad shit bout the people i care bout(even though they are bastards sometimes.)i still love em... cause they make me ..me..
imma get 2 bed cause i got 9 hours of work 2 morrow..
oh btw..to all the people that forgot bout me..im still alive.. n im kickin like a mutha fucka
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[31 Aug 2004|02:39am] |
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Willie Nelson - One Time Too Many |
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everyone jokes around about certain things (love,sex,drugs,politics) and its funny because we all know that the person doesnt necassarily mean it.
but what happens..when all along...the person really meant what they were "joking" about... then what? what happens when they come clean and tell you the truth..how does that make you feel? to know that everything that you took as a joke..was serious..is it your fault? because you didnt take them seriously? or is it their fault? because they didnt set you aside and tell you the truth.. i think i found the answer...or make AN answer to it...
its no ones fault...the only way to make things better is to move on ...and MAYBE learn from the mistakes you have made..and the mistakes others have made..and maybe..the truth that FINALLY comes out...can really progress into something that can mean somethin..
speaking of meaning... why does everything have to have a meaning..why cant something just...BE.... why cant people be content with what they have..instead of constantly searching for more... are we really that driven?
my last question..is... is there really hope for a future? i mean..can somethin really happen for me..or to me..or whatever..for the better? Is it really my turn? do i have to make this move now? is it past due ? im rambling..and im sure no one knows what i mean..but these thoughts swallow me.
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[24 Aug 2004|08:03pm] |
HAHAHA I love when people make themselves miserable... look...ITS NOT FUN BEING SAD... so stop pretendin you are
"i have this..i hate it because i have it... i dont have it...i hate that i dont have it.."
YOU ARE A DUMB CUNT BAG FUCK WHORE SLUT SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY GODAMN.
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