i give up
well im posting in here because no one reads this, and i want to get this shit outta my head.

i guess i have to really give up on her now. I remember when we were younger, she would do anything as long as we were doing it together. we could fuckin sit in a room and not say anything for hours and be ok with it. i remember the first time we held hands while we watched a movie. i remember the first time i went over there. i actually remember almost everytime i went over there. and when i thought about her one day and hoped that it wasnt over, and there could still be a chance with us, she came to me and everything was fuckin amazing. we talked almost every day and started to open up to eachother again. and now im sitting here thinking about all this knowing that this can possibly be the last time i think about this with the intentions of an US. I guess i have to give up. I mean there was a quote i read that said

"One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."

I fought as hard as i fuckin could i really did. i pushed and pushed and expressed every ounce of emotion towards her, more so than i have ever before with anyone. But she just didn't respond. Maybe she was scared. Maybe she just doesn't care about me like she did before. Whatever the reason is her heart doesn't want to believe in me i guess. It just really sucks because I really believed that she was just like that. That was just the kind of person she was. She was more closed off and its hard for her to express herself. But its bullshit. If she loved me like I love her, she would fight for us too. And she didn't. Shed rather be with anyone else. Fuck, I think she'd rather be alone. I guess I have to just fuckin give up on us. I don't want to. I want nothing more than for her to call me and tell me shes in love with me and wants me to be there. Whats the chance of that?